I have a friend who I'm going to refer to here as RC--the need for an alias being, I think you will agree, essential--who from time to time gets fed up and as a result gets himself into a bit of trouble. RC has a little too much free time on his hands and so he thinks about what's going on in this crazy-ass world of ours. It bugs him. What bugs him? Oh, the usual stuff, such as neurotic, psychotic pig-headed politicians, and that's just for starters. You don't want to go speeding through his neighborhood with your muffler dragging the dirt, either. Mostly what bothers RC, though, is the political aspect of certain demagogic asswipes and he takes it upon himself to, shall we say, act. Sometimes it scares me a little. Most of the time it makes me laugh.
He's on a first-name basis with the people who answer the telephone at the Governor's office because he has called there to repeatedly suggest that the person in charge of Arizona insert certain large tracks of unused land into one or more orifices that were in all likelihood never intended to house such vast expanses of territory. Other times he has contacted the White House staff to make what I am sure was the sincere suggestion that a certain former President place moist lips upon various parts of the male anatomy which, unless I am mistaken, serve more of an excretory function than serving a desire to be caressed with one's lips. And of course there's the somewhat more pedestrian concerns about mismanagement in his housing community, things which--even under the protection of an alias--it would be unwise to relate here because there is always the risk that his friends, including myself, might be dragged into police headquarters to explain certain inexplicable behavior.
The word people use to describe the type of person RC has become is gadfly.
And yet I like him tremendously. I really do.
Oh, he and I have had our rows. For instance, it's been more than ten years ago when I had to have the sheriff come and pay him a visit because he wouldn't stop calling my house once an hour every hour for two days for no other reason than to shout that I was a despicable son of a bitch because I had asked him not to call quite so often. His roommate, who had to go his bail, still spits on the ground every time someone is foolish enough to mention my name.
All the same, I respect RC because his craziness is not without purpose. I mean, how much abuse would you have to take before you decided that enough had at long last become enough? I refer, of course, to the idiot governor of the otherwise geographically beautiful state of Tennessee. Bill Haslem, the idiot in question, over the weekend signed into law something called the Gateway Sexual Activity bill. Oh my. It is quite the head full of snakes. The new idiot law allows teachers who do encourage the use of contraception in the interest of promoting safe sex to be punished, the intent being that sex education courses would consist of just abstinence-only programs, which are proven to not work in preventing teen pregnancy. David Fowler, president of the Family Action Council of Tennessee, which pushed the bill, told Reuters the law does not ban kissing or holding hands from discussion in sex education classes. But he said it addresses the touching of certain "gateway body parts," including genitals, buttocks, breasts and the inner thigh. As the fellow from Addicting Info put it, it's almost as if the Republicans want our kids to remain stupid and in danger.
Well, yes. Of course.
|The Governor in search of purple sticky|
Seriously. That really is their plan. It's kind of an amazing thing but because the GOP is behind it, the plot is pretty simple. What you do is you incorporate a bunch of moronic superstitions about the nature of things. Any talismanic treatise will do. Since this is the USA, we'll use that con-flux of contradictions, the Holy Bible. Hate and vengeance in the first half, love and agony in the second. Perfect. Now all we need to do is nail that rubbish onto the feet of some white trash evangelicals who like to spend their spare time persecuting blacks, Jews, women and children. Well, white trash is easy enough to find since both the Republican and Democratic wings of the American Nazi Party have given us about ten times more of them than we had only forty years ago. What's next is we stir up the old pseudo-scientific dung from the Reverend Thomas Malthus and spread that all over the narrow walls of the right wing intelligensia (yeah, there really is such a thing, although I'll admit you have to look damned hard to find it) and just scare the bejeezus out of people with crazy antiquated ideas about how if only we had a few more holy wars there wouldn't be any famines or poverty and the best way to make that happen is to overpopulate the underclasses so that we always have a huge labor pool from which to draw so that when we get that glorious bootlicking holiest of holy wars between the Ay-rabs and the Hebrews, well, then the goldarned Jehovah's Witnesses can be brought in to clean up the mess and halle-freakin-lujah, what a swell time will be had by all.
Actually, I suppose you'd have to adopt a slightly more Harvard tone and drop the double negatives to fit into the patois of the Willard Romney-types who actually believe in this swill. What swill? You know what I mean. I mean the fascist doctrine (no hyperbole; just ask Mussolini) that men are inherently unequal and only the cream will rise to walk alongside God, who will be quite busy smiting the stupid heathens who love Him so damned much.
This Malthusian slop served as the impetus behind the Vietnam War and make no mistake we haven't learned anything useful from our own stupidity. The idea way back then was that you could keep global populations under control by murdering a few million of the happy-to-procreate yellow men. If we didn't, so the Nixonian theory went, we'd have billions of the Vietnamese and Laotians and Cambodians chipping away at our precious natural resources so the only humane thing to do was to wipe them out. People actually used to believe in this corrupt brain-damaged swill. And some still do.
Like the Governor of Tennessee, for instance.
Maybe I should introduce him to my friend RC.